Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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