We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
