We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize