So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
