Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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