five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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