My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
