Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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