Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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