party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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