i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
