I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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