I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
