I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
