I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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