Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
