sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
