he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
