whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm always down for nudity.
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