What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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