when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
