Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
