I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
