i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
