He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
