Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
