i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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