so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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