he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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