google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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