Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
