after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
