I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think I won the penis lottery.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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