If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
