these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
