She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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