oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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