Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
