I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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