Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
