If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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