well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
