oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
