would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
