she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
