I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
