I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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