At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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