I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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