after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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