Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
