i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
two words: eviction party
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
