my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize