We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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