Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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