I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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