So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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