I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
