Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
