Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
