Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I need moral support for this bender
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
