i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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