im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
