I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
