Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
