4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize