she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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