Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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