I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
