I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
