Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
