pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just want nice things and good sex
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