I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
