i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
