he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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