Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I CAN MOONWALK!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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