My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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