So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
