He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
