If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just saw a hot homeless man
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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