i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize