this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
