Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
