it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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