look no pants
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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