You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
