so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
did i just pee glitter
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
