I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize