We won't sleep together?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
