he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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