we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
