Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
