very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize