I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
