Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
