Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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