Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
