On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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