Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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