i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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