But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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