Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
