She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
