lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
