It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
