ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is my life. Enjoy the view
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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