i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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