It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
