Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
