He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
