You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
