I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
