he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
ok first of all what the fuck
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
