It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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