As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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